Adventures of a Wannabe Rabbinical School Student--part I

Subset blog, or a blog within a blog. I was just reading about Nachman of Breslov (one of the foremost Hasidic Masters) and one of his skills was telling tales in tales, sometimes to the point where the reader would forget the initial tale. [maassiot betoch massiot : tales within tales]. That was really just an aside though, a segway into saying that I will begin a new thread: Adventures of a wannabe rabbinical student.

Yep, I said it--I want to be a rabbinical school student, with the end goal of being ordained as a rabbi leading to a congregational pulpit post. Phew, that's a mouthful and a lofty/longterm goal. I say longterm because the very beginning of the final stage would occur in July 2015, just under seven years from now, after I turn 34. Thirty-four seems distant, not old, just distant.
How did this come about? Wish I knew. In one sense it has been an easy decision, in another, the hardest ever. Self-confidence and self-doubt wage battles on the inside. On second thought, I don't think I really want to go into the how at this moment, I'll save that for another entry. Because right now, I made the decision and it's those little things which have begun to plague my head. And some of them are not so little.
Which school? I am a reform Jew, I know this. I cannot be a rabbi in the orthodox realm, I choose not to be in the conservative one. Reconstructionist and renewal aren't a complete fit. So as far as the major movements are concerned, reform is the way to go. I can obtain ordination at two different schools though--well two schools, four campuses. The first is the most obvious, HUC (Hebrew Union College, the reform movements official college). They offer three campuses: NY, LA, and Cincinnati. I am not an LA girl, just not. I realize that is where my parents grew up and even where I was born. It just doesn't feel right though. And New York, there is so much to say about NY; I will just leave it at that it too just doesn't feel right. And although I know nothing of the city and have no preconceived stereotype notions of the place, that leaves Cincinnati. I can say I have a preference, ultimately, the decision is up to the college which campus I go to. The other school is Hebrew College, in Boston. The school considers itself transdenominational. Though I believe I can get a specific ordination if I so choose. Since it is my intent to apply in Sept/Oct 2009 for admission in August 2010, I have over a year to choose which school is a better fit. This will be an interesting process making this determination.

I would remiss to say that I was not thinking about finances. Over $80k just in tuition coupled with the inability to hold a full time job, leads to great concerns over cost. And seeing as how I have not won the lottery or married a millionaire, I think it's only normal to be taking financial worry seriously.

Some of the other little things include my cats. Pets have a unique place in our hearts and my two cats are no exception. My girl is old, very old, she's just nearly 20yrs (in human years--that's like 130yrs in cat years). I've had her since she was kitten, effectively my whole life. And my fat boy is 7.5yrs. Both schools have a year-in-Israel program. What do I do with them then? Could they withstand the travel trauma? Would they be let in the country at all? Would they be safe in a country where stray cats are more numerous than people it seems?

Of course friends and family are high on the list too. Going away for school, not knowing if I'll come back at its completion is daunting. I'm going to miss my nephew's first day at school, and most of his elementary school years. That just doesn't seem right. And what do I do about my best friends? I can barely go a week without seeing them or talking at length with them; I can't imagine being in a different state (let alone another country) as them.

And my rabbis. Yes, they are mine. I think I spoke of this at some point; let me re-cap. In Israel last year a friend talked about his rabbi, the person he would talk to about everything. The person he went to when he was troubled and when he needed guidance. The person who's opinion carried more weight than most. I have that. I have that twice over. Granted I have had teachers my entire life. My undergraduate research professor, Dr. Edgar Civitello , being the closest to a mentor. Ms. Lewis in high school, she was my biology teacher and my friend. When I say it these days, there is a tremendous amount of weight I give that title. He is my teacher. And it is I who feels the privilege to say that I am the student. That relationship will not cease, it will morph. Who isn't nervous for a bit of change?
And that is where much of the trepidation comes from: change.

I must remember in the months ahead that I am still here. I must continue to foster the relationships I have and to lead the life I know as is. Adding a few hours of Hebrew study a week, add some shadowing, add some extra reflecting, add some formality to study. That's all I am going to do: add.

So stay tuned for another installment of a likely random thought-download as this adventure takes off.